I worked my buttstock off in the yard today. Shredding leaves and dumping the bagger a few hundred times. Great fun.

As I sat eating dinner, with one droopy eye on the TV, I turned across the world's dumbest Competitions. And ... they were. However; they all had serious crowds of people in attendance ... watching and cheering.

The Stag mating call competition was riveting. Middle aged men, on stage, bellowing thru various configurations of horns and tubes ... making quite disgusting noises ... while a large auditorium of people watched seriously, and clapped. When the winner was chosen, he rose with several blasts of celebratory horn bellows ... the crowd loved it.

The Misquito smashing competition was interesting. Teams had small wooden coffins about 6" long ... into which they placed smashed misquitos which they'd clapped in their hands, under naked light bulbs. The winner got eight thousand dollars I think.

The "Tuna Toss" was another classic. If you've seen the "hammer throw" ... and plug in about a ten pound dead tuna on a rope ... that would be about it. There appeared to be hundreds of wildly cheering onlookers. Seven thousand dollar prize I think, for the winning 50 some foot toss. Quite amazing.

Then, there were the "Pooh Sticks". If you've read Winnie The Pooh children stories ... one of Pooh Bear's favorite things was to take a couple of sticks ... toss them into the stream, on the up stream side of a bridge ... then run to the down stream side ... and see which stick won the race. And yes ... hundreds of British folks, with painted Pooh sticks competed, and cheered for their individual stick.

I don't know the rest of the competitions as, about this time; I evidently threw my tray table through the TV screen, and began tearing my hair while swinging from the ceiling fan .... "Something" must have struck me as simply WRONG ...

I've had a cup of coffee now ... and I feel much better ...

WhaddayathinKent???

Gary

I have not had a TV sence the mid 60s, as YOU are a pro in all things, I once more know why.

Gary, I think you've found the detail that was missing all along, an $8000 purse!!! Actually that was probably only first place. Overall monies must have been closer to 12-15 grand! I'd bet if one had the right left connections, we could find some stimulus money from an ACORN grant. We could just swing by on the way from the airport, the home office is in New Orleans.
Kent

Hey ... Which one of us is gonna wear the Raccoon coat and pimp sunglasses? hahaha

Gary



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/26/2009 08:29PM by barnespneumatic.

I'm with TMR, no TV for me either. I watch a show every now and then on the computer but not often.

Lon

I don't watch TV at all EXCEPT during this time of year, when my one vice is on: the NFL. I could really care less about whatever else the networks show, the way they try to scare people into watching during the "news." the stupid products they hawk, or the various viewpoints they want to drill into folks' skulls. But sometimes I just have to see 400 passing yards in a game or an OLB blindsiding a prima donna quarterbank. :-)

-- Jim

Hey, with 500 channels of cable/satellite TV to fill 24/7, the operative word DOES have to be "fill", after all. As in filler: a lightweight sustance designed specifically to take up maximum space with as little actual mass as possible at the least expense.

Encouraging a couple hundred clueless yahoos to engage in pointless competitions at their own expense is WAY cheaper than paying writers and actors to knock out something with a plot, no matter how many pointless $8000 prizes you hand out. The only "reality" in "reality TV" is the economic reality that you really CAN get something for nothing, as long as you promise people that they'll get to be on TV.

The problem is, I never hear about the "Pooh Stick Race" until it's over. I could use a few of those pointless $8k prizes. I'm pretty sure I could design a sleek/fast stick! haha

Gary

I caught part of a show on one of the "food channels" where there was a pumpkin carving contest with a $10k prize. To my surprise, they did some impressive and amazingly creative work in a very short amount of time. To my dismay, the judges were noted as all being "professional pumpkin carvers".
What the?!? When did that occupation get invented? You can make a full-time living carving pumpkins?

If they can sell "Hip Hop" music ... then you can become a professional doing absolutely anything.

Amen Gary!

What's even worse to ponder is the fact that those are the "artists" who sell the most albums and make the most money. All most of them are is a face, a huge percentage have other people writing and creating for them, but they take the credit, and the dough.

The older I get the more amazed I am at what poeple will do to get on tv for their 15 minutes. Sometimes it seems like they bigger fool they can be the more they like it because they'll stand out more and get more attention.